In Celebration of Friends

The summer that I turned 12, my family sold our house, packed up all of our earthly possessions to move us from our quaint suburban Southern California neighborhood to the East Coast. The state of Maine would be our home for two years and four days. Although I have never returned, somehow I have never let go of the beauty. In reality, it just never let go of me.

My family decided to make a big deal over my 50th birthday this year. After all, it is my Jubilee Year. It's a time to reflect, seek the goodness in life, allow debts to be cleared or to just reset. Although I would have loved to take a trip across the country, I wanted to spend it with those who are in my life right now, speaking into my life at present or the not too distant past. Folks I call family. I wanted to honor them in a small way. Our party would be for them to enjoy a night where they could laugh and relax on a magical summer evening. After reading this on my friend Carolyn's blog, I knew I wanted a Clambake! As close to a genuine East Coast clambake as I could get!

The tables were set with plates

we found at the dollar tree

Places were assigned

The Hors d'oeuvre table was filled

Finishing touches were added

Dear friends worked especially hard

Food was prepared

My dad and brother flew in

My daughter was a bright and cheery hostess

the guests laughed

they snacked on

grapes and brie and crackers,

then they laughed some more.

Mr. Ray visited with Grandpa

Party goers wrote messages

and then it was time

Elvis sang from my iPod perched in the

lighted tent.

"Clambake, gonna have a clambake!"

We gathered, The Coffee Guy prayed

and then...

...we ate this

We dished up some of that
along with an old family recipe
Acini De Pepe Salad

We ate shrimp and corn with our hands,

picked meat out of the clams

and filled up with potatoes and sausage

The air was full of celebration, love,

laughter, relaxation, peace, grace

We finished with Homemade Peach Blueberry Cobbler 

and

S'mores around the firepit late into the night

It was everything I had hoped it would be and so much more. As the last friends made their way home, I basked in the beauty of the evening. Pointing to the kitchen on our way to bed I told The Coffee Guy, "leave that for me". "Are you sure?" he asked. "Yes" I told him. We usually do that task together after having company. We always enjoy talking about the night, elbow to elbow with suds covering our hands.

This time I needed to do it alone.

The next morning I washed every plate, thanking God for each person that enjoyed the feast. Praying blessings over all of them for taking time to celebrate. All the while, praising our Provider for the gift of food, a home and dear friends who love so freely. I was of course bursting with joy over my brother flying up to surprise me! (He turned 55 the week before.) Gratitude poured over me for fifty years of a rich, beautiful life and knowing the possibilities of what He will continue to do in me.

This year has already held so much for me. I'm looking forward to seeing what our gracious God has in store. Turning fifty doesn't feel anything like you might expect, really, it is so much more.

Always,

Hope

*All photos courtesy of Sheila Nielsen Photography. Please do not use without permission.

50 Days to 50 - To Kiss and Make Up

Day 23

The Ibex

This adorable creature lives in my husband's car. We aren't really sure what he is but after an online poll, we decided he looks like and ibex so that is what we call him. It is a reminder to us that laughter can sometimes be the best way to stop an argument.

I know what you're thinking! How could anyone ever argue with The Coffee Guy? After all, we have been married for a long time, you would think we would agree about everything by now. Right. (Ahem)

That day, a few years ago. We disagreed about something really important. No, I can't remember it but really, it was so very big (like many things are when they are right in front of you). I can tell you that it was after Easter. In the middle of it all, he decided to go for a drive. He went to the local all-in-one shopping store. On the 75% off clearance rack sat this poor little thing. He bought it, came home, asked forgiveness and presented me with this adorable pathetic stuffed toy instead of flowers or candy and we just laughed. (I possibly threw it at him which might have been his reason for getting something soft.)

Forgiveness is a blessing. Reconciliation is why Christ came to the earth, to reconcile us to the Father and to each other. My life is filled with moments where I need to forgive and be forgiven. The blessing of receiving those truths from Him gives me strength.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - The Ability to Laugh at Mistakes

Day 22 But Who's Counting?

If you have read this blog for more than two weeks you probably know that I count among my most beautiful blessings, grace.

Grace covers. Grace moves me. Grace heals. Grace restores. 

When I allow grace to flow through me, it cleanses.

It brings joy to let me laugh at my mistakes.

The grace of God is moving me in ways I don't understand.

I am just going to let it. When an opportunity comes to receive it, I will. When I need to extend it to another, I will purpose to.

Because God is my focus and God is love and love lives in grace I will seek to trust God with who I am.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Grace Revisited

Day 18

Grace is such a beautiful concept. It was my Day 7 topic. Favor that is unmerited and unearned. It is offered to us from an all knowing, loving God. We can't earn it. It is a gift. Because it is unmerited, it means that it covers the choices we make that turn out to be mistakes.

This week I learned something new about grace. When I extended it to someone else, it became more alive in me. Extending grace changed something in me. It may or may not have softened the heart of the other person but there is no doubt it strengthened me. It allowed God's love to flow through me. It gave me peace.

As I approach 50, I realize how much more I have to learn, how much of His Holiness I haven't experienced and how He loves me with an unfailing love. I am getting a glimpse (a very small glimpse) of how He must feel when I trust that His grace is sufficient for me. My response is a gift back to Him.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Strength to Push Through

Days 15, 16 and 17

"Sometimes" Pooh said "The smallest things
take up the most room in your heart"

This is one of those weeks of my life I will never forget

I'm not sure if I want to if that even makes sense

It wasn't memorable for the right reasons

No one has been able to make sense of it

We've all tried

He was full term

8 lbs 1 oz, 21 inches long

Plump arms, perfect hands and feet

He is gone

No one could stop it

It is still hard to believe

Today we said our goodbyes

Doctors, nurses, friends and family gathered

We cried together and we cried some more

This was an infant

There was no funny stories

No anecdotes from his life

We prayed, we mourned and we comforted

I conducted my first infant funeral

We sent balloons to the sky

Now we look for purpose

We lean on each other for strength

We push past the whys

We hold on to hope

We rejoice that one day, we will see him again

He will be whole

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Destiny

Day 14

Courtesy of Sheila Nielsen

I am a firm believer that we all have a purpose and a destiny. Every person on this earth has a reason for being here no matter how long they are here or how very brief, we all have value. We all bring something and we all leave something.

I believe that we have a loving Creator that knows our pain and may not always take us out of our situations but will always offer comfort. The more I get to know Him, the more I trust His heart. These trials, in our eyes seem long but in eternity are just a glimpse. His love for us is so strong that even He himself sacrificed His Only Son so that we could experience eternity in His presence.
Yesterday, I had the honor and privilege to be with a sweet baby boy as he briefly visited this earth. Although his time here was short, his destiny was something much greater than we may ever know. It is doubtful that his family will ever understand why but I pray that the comfort of knowing that their wee one is now cradled in the arms of the God of Love will help those most keenly touched, get through. Our hearts are all heavy and his story is greater than anyone could have imagined. His destiny may have only begun.


Always,




Hope


(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Kindness

Day 13

God loved me before I ever stumbled and fell. He offered grace to me before I ever was alive to receive it. He doesn't scold me when I blow it. It doesn't throw up His hands in disgust. He just loves me. He readily forgives me. His grace covers me. His kindness attracts me to a place of repentance. It motivates me to change.

Romans 2:4 tells us that it is His "kindness that leads us to repentance". When we see someone who is in a fallen place, they almost always know it. They don't need us to bring them shame, pour on guilt or pressure them to change. We are called to love them. When someone is our enemy, we are told to bless them and do good for them. We are to be kind.

My blessing today is kindness. I am grateful for the kindness of friends, of strangers and mostly of my loving, all knowing God who knows more about my sins but loves me without condition.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Saturdays

Day 12

Waking up early in the morning seems nicer when you don't have to be anywhere.

The Coffee Guy cracks open the french doors over the balcony facing the trees. Giant green leaves shake with chirping birds and hungry squirrels. The fresh Oregon air is still crisp. I prop myself up on extra pillows, steam swirling out of my bright blue coffee cup filled with sweet creamy french roast.

Before too many thoughts spill into my mind I reach for my iPod, switch from the crashing sounds of waves that lull me to sleep at night and let the sounds of the morning take over. I soak in every second because because I want it to last.

Saturdays are our brunch, bike, extra date, catch up, farmer's market and family day. When the kiddos were little, it was pile on the bed day. Jammied children, storybooks and giggles were the norm. It is a time to catch up before Sunday kicks in and the pace picks up. It is our day of rest.

It is sacred. We find peace. Our hearts are drawn to each other and most weeks, away from the world. It hasn't always been this way but it is now. Now it valuable. Now is worth protecting.

Do you have a set aside day? Everyone should!

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Light Burdens

Day 11

Then Jesus said,
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you,
because I am humble and gentle at heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

MATTHEW 11:29-30

Let's face it, as the parent of a child with multiple medical needs, there is plenty in my life that can feel like a burden. Things that weigh on me seem heavier on days when The Princess isn't feeling well but they can be just as tough when I'm the one who is tired. Ordering medical supplies, formulas or gtube equipment, keeping on top of educational services as well as home services (respite, equipment and home remodels) can crowd my already weary brain. So when it comes to trying to juggle emotional and spiritual burdens, I find myself spent. When my heart is so very heavy for those who are hurting, when I myself am feeling betrayed or misunderstood, I can stand on the the words of my Saviour.

Sitting at His feet I find peace.

Soaking in His Word I find joy.

Standing on His promises I find hope.

His yoke is light. If what I am carrying is too heavy, it isn't mine to take on.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Perspective

Day 10

President Bill Clinton

This is an original, untouched photo that Mrs. Ray of Sunshyne took in the Spring of 2008 during the presidential primaries. Our former president was campaigning for his wife and stopped in our little rural town on his way through our state. We opted to sign Ray out of class to attend the rally held at her school in the gymnasium. She snapped this when he reached through the crowd, leaning over her to shake my hand and thank me for coming.

Isn't this a great photo? It tells part of a story and if I didn't put words to it, you could easily guess the story related to your own experience. You might have thought it was cropped. You could have wondered if the crowd was crushing. You might wonder if he said something that changed our mind or strengthened our resolve in who we were voting for. The truth is, it is only a small part of the story.

I have said it before, everybody has a story. Everyone has been shaped by a lifetime of experiences that cause them to face the trials of life the way they do. So often, we only have a snapshot or glimpse of who someone is and through our own experience, we determine how we are going to treat that person. At times it is our own lives we are left wondering about. How did I get here, what is this all about and how am I going to get through. Recently a friend was lamenting about the six plus years of diapers she had faced with her three children. I jokingly mentioned that I was on 14 years with two children and no end in sight. Strangely enough, it encouraged her. She hadn't looked at it from that side of things.

As we focus on the blessings in our lives we regain a clearer vision of who we are. If we see ourselves through the eyes of a loving God, we begin to understand that He has an eternal point of view. Things that don't make sense to us now, even suffering, will look different when we observe it from a different time and place. If we allow ourselves to get stuck, if we refuse to look deeper, we become discouraged and lose hope.

Today I will reset my focus. Where there was betrayal I will choose forgiveness. Where there is loss I will seek what was gained. In place of worthlessness, I will trust the Lord who has placed in me His worth.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Lessons Learned from Fiery Trials

Day 9

Mt Baldy

The above photo was taken from one of my favorite places in the world to go away and get alone. I made countless trips up that mountain during my 20's  to push my "reset button". When life would head sideways, I would climb into my little red car to wind my way up the curvy road as George Winston's music filled my soul. Sometimes I would take a picnic with friends, others were just for me to breathe in fresh air to clear the confusion from my mind. Many times it was my sanctuary. It was a place I could count on hearing from God.

Sadly, on my last visit, (it had been about 20 years) I discovered that a fire had wiped out the entire mountain the year before. It was already growing back but would never be the same.

Wildfires have a way of changing the landscape in irrevocable ways but that isn't all bad. Oftentimes the underbrush becomes so thick that new growth can't survive. When a fire occurs, it cleans out dead brush, allowing for sprouts of newness to grow up and become strong. There is no doubt that in the process, the landscape changes forever. Along with the loss comes life and a chance for a fresh start.

Aren't our lives that way? Don't we all have things in our lives that feel it is just too hot? Some experiences are even "fiery trials" that make us feel as we will never survive. These are the times when we find shelter in an all knowing God who continues to be strengthen and freshen us. All the time we feel as if we are being destroyed. Survival seems doubtful. Any hope of quality seems to be demolished but that isn't the whole story.

That is the blessing I am counting today. Trusting His heart for me. No matter what the trials are, I will continue to seek the one who pours Himself out for me. When I am parched, I'll let His Living Water quench my thirsty soul. Although my landscape will change, what grows back will be healthy, vibrant and lush. My desire is that I will be a place of quiet rest. My heart will be ready to rejuvenate others and my life will be used of God to create a place to find His refuge.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Blessings of Love

Day 8

I am loved in the truest sense of the word. No matter how I fail, whatever my mistakes may be, I am loved by my Creator. The God of the Universe knows everything and loves me anyway. In I Corinthians 13 it tells me that "Love never fails". That is a blessing that carries me through the unknown, during the toughest of days of grief, loss and betrayal. It allows me to be me without the slightest need to hide behind a mask to please others. If God really loves me, as is, then I don't need the approval of others and that is huge.

So today, I celebrate the blessing of unconditional love.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Grace

Day 7

According to Merriam Webster

Grace has been on my heart recently. Not just the grace I've received but the grace I am asked to extend. True to the character of my loving Savior, the grace I extend blesses me just as much if not more than the receiver. It enables me to be more intimate with my God in whom I find hope and peace. In grace I find healing. He pours His grace over me, through me and before me. In Psalm 23 it tells me that He restores my soul and He even prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies!

For years I really think I understood grace was for those who had stopped sinning or who never sin. Now I firmly believe it is offered to "displace" our desire to sin. So when we truly offer God's grace to one another, it is drawing them to our Savior, not shaming them away.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 days to 50 - New Mercies

Day 6

As the sun rises I often try to hold on to every last bit of quiet that seems to leave as the light begins to chase the shadows away. It is almost as if the stillness awakens, ready to fill the day with the sounds that morning brings.

The best thing about the morning is that I get do overs. A fresh start. Another day for my God to write new stories in my heart. Yesterday can be a crumpled up ball in the bottom of the basket or I can rip out the pieces worth saving. Even though yesterday is part of my story, today I get to choose how I will respond to the characters. What pieces of former chapters will shape me and in what ways will I be defined.

Lamentations 3:21-23

21 This I recall to my mind,

Therefore I have hope.

22 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

23 They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - A Refuge

Day 5

When darkness casts a shadow on my soul,

when it presses through to the edges of my heart,

I find myself weary, desperate, seeking rest.

Sometimes the ache comes from life's turns

and with those there is a sense of acceptance.

The knowledge that sometimes things "just happen"

can in itself be a form a comfort when human hands

cannot turn the wheels of circumstance, we find resolve.

Then there are those times when the cruelty of others,

selfishness, hate, greed and insecurities rain down

into our lives and threaten to crush us under the weight.

Even in those times, I am found by His goodness,

surrounded by His faithfulness,
saved by His infinite love for me.

The grace He extends for me,
He gives in abundance so I may

extend it to those who He calls my enemies.

The times I feel bombarded and in my weakness

He becomes my refuge and strength.

Psalm 139: 7-12 (NKJV)

"7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?

Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

9 If I take the wings of the morning,

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,

And Your right hand shall hold me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”

Even the night shall be light about me;

12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,

But the night shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to You."

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - His Promises

Day 4

The morning that I left home to be

with Mom for the very last time,

I stepped out on my porch and saw this.

This is a bad cell phone picture but to me it is art.

Like the rainbow that God gave to Noah, this was my promise that the upcoming flood would not destroy me. He promised that he would never leave me or forsake me. Although rain has come and there have been days that I feel as if I am drowning, I am never alone.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - The Unexpected

Day 3

One of the best things I could have ever
taught my older daughter was a lesson only God could teach.

We didn't set out to rescue anyone.

There wasn't a desire to seem noble or heroic.

The path was full of detours that felt like dead ends.

But they were just detours.

The rough roads were part of our journey.

They prepared us in some ways for what was ahead.

Some see children like her, children with disabilities as a burden.

We don't.

We see blessings.

I have been told that she needed us.

No she didn't.

We needed her.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50- A Strong Foundation

Day 2

They didn't just teach me how to love,
they showed me how to love.

My list of blessings wouldn't be complete if it didn't include the strong foundation that was given to me by my parents. No matter how hard the winds have blown in our lives, what struggles we have faced or the storms we have weathered, one thing has always remained, our family was built on a firm foundation. My parents, with the encouragement of their church family built their marriage on their faith in God, their love for His Word (and each other) and on the hope of our Saviour.

At one time we joked that I was the black sheep in our family. It really was only a half joke because there were times that my behaviour was no doubt a disappointment to my parents in that is drew me away from my relationship with Christ. Romans 2:4 tells us that it is His kindness that leads us to repentance. That isn't to say that they were permissive towards sin but they were loving towards me. It was a delicate dance but they chose to learn it. As I grew older, we drew closer and even now I am reminded of what grace is and what it is not.

Through their example, I am part of building  a foundation for my family. A foundation full of grace, hope, faith and love.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)