When It's Time to Tell the Story

I wanted to wait until I was at the end of my journey to write about this one. The problem with that is, this won't end until my life on earth is done. That will be the day I'll receive my heavenly body and the story that I am living now won't really matter.

It matters now so it is now I will begin the telling.

Food, weight, body image, diets, exercise and anything in between has been a life long battle. I attended my first "diet club" meeting at the age of 13 so it's fair to say that for thirty seven years I have waged war in some way or another. There has never been a moment when I didn't care but a million moments where I didn't know how to care. If you think about it, finding one answer to weight loss for every person on the planet hasn't been done. Because every body is created  in such a unique way and every human experience has fed into the problem the answer itself is personal.

In Facebook terms, my relationship status with food would look like this:

Of course that would apply to body image and a dozen other pieces of my life as well. I suppose it has been a long time coming but for my own body, my own spiritual, emotional and physical health, the knots of confusion began to unravel over the past few years.

As I try to figure out just where the beginning of this healing path began for me I'm finding that there has never been just one piece of the puzzle. There hasn't been one great epiphany or discovery. It is all part of the journey. I don't even know if it's a new path as much as a new portion of a very long path for me. Just as living an unhealthy life for so long and not knowing where to get off, this has been a slow road to health in which I am not sure just where I got on.

In fact, after years of taking "before" pictures, there isn't one for this. With countless photos that have no "after" I gave up on creating a line in the sand. After years of feeling like a failure weighed in on me heavier than the scale at the gym did, I wasn't willing to purposely document this one. This turned out to be a great decision because the one portrait I turn to for comparison can only show you my outside progress. What you can't see is that the joy of healing and grace and peace had already rooted so deeply in my heart that the smile in my eyes tells more than the size of my pants or my favorite grey sweater.

There are some significant moments along that way that I can point to in this road of change.

*A blood test that pointed to a pre-diabetic condition steered me away from eating certain food and in the path of healing nutrition.

*When the understanding of God's grace took deep root in my soul, I began to understand the freedom He intended to lavish on me from the beginning.

*The beauty of being His beloved overwhelmed my heart to settle into me the depth of His love and my worth in His eyes. It doesn't change with my eating habits or my size. It is a immovable and steadfast as His love for me.

*He used soul sisters to reveal the gift of food in ministry and community as we break bread together. Food He created is a gift we can share and the sacred ministry of sharing a meal with another being, if embraced, can bring unity and healing and strength.

*Perhaps writing An Open Love Letter (to My Own Body) helped me see things in a new light.

As in any place in our lives that demand growth, to be sure, there are things that I have had to give up. Anyone who tells you that you can attain health without giving up unhealthy habits is selling something  This is my Creator I am talking about. In the giving up of those things, I have opened up the space for experiencing life, not death.

Micah 6:8 "He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?"

Matthew 22:37,28 “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Love him with all your mind.(Deuteronomy 6:5) 38 This is the first and most important commandment." 

Two of the many Scripture that have made this part of the path make sense. I'm a woman who needs direction and it is in the pages of God's Word that I find the most. After all, He created me for a relationship with Him and food to sustain this body so I can have a relationship with you.

While I still reside on earth, I don't expect there to be a true "after" but a I hope you don't mind if a few "during" shots show up here

 and there.

Always, 

Hope

Thankfulness Journal - Day 13 - Days Like These

This isn't what I would call a bad day. It just isn't going as planned. I remember so many times thinking that in itself made it bad.

My perspective is changing. What use to strip my gears doesn't make as much of an impact as it did in the past. For this I am glad.

My daughter's car wouldn't start this morning so I took on the duties of getting her little sister ready for school. She texted me and thanked me for still loving her. In other words, "Thank you for not getting mad Mom." I'm sad that she expected me to be upset. I'm thankful that I didn't.

My coffee is sitting here, lukewarm and not as good as The Coffee Guy makes. (You didn't think his nickname was random did you?) He is out of town for a few days and I leave the morning after he gets back. I usually get it delivered to my bed so I can slowly wake up. Today it was reheated in the microwave.

So today I realized something, I have more strength than I know. I have been given the gift of knowing what I need instead of just what I want. This gift has made me even more grateful for getting needs met instead of expecting them. Philippians 4:19 tells me, "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." 

Today I am learning more about what I need vs what I want Right now, I have everything I need. For that I am so very grateful.

Always,


Hope

PS Please visit my friend Tiffany here. She is a young mom whose dad has been battling cancer for the past three years. The end of his life on earth is in sight. She has temporarily moved back to our area with her four children to be with her parents at this time. She is a brilliant writer and thoughtful young woman. Today she shares why this is grateful for "this".

Thankfulness Journal - Day 2 - The Gift of Getting Lost

Just a few years after we moved from Southern California to our lovely rural town, I was asked if I wanted to drive to a city about an hour north of here to do some shopping. Accepting the invitation I offered to drive exclaiming "I've been lost there before!" Noting the fear on my friend's face I went on to explain. Since I've been lost there a few times, I now know my way around much better.

Those moments where my soul ached to find a way out of pain, confusion and loneliness in life are no different. Getting lost has taught me to navigate better through storms, one way streets and detours. It's also opened my eyes to things I wouldn't have seen if I had stayed on the mapped paths. His Word tells me, if I delight myself in Him, He will direct my paths. (Proverbs 3:5,6)

Just like winding my ways through a once unfamiliar town, navigating through life is just as much about overcoming loss as it is being protected from it. None of us walk into anything hoping to be lost but once we are, isn't it nice to know there is someone who wants to help us find our way out?

I still get lost but am so very grateful for the lessons I learn when I allow Him to teach me on my way to being found.

Always,


Hope

Being Used in the Stillness

Right now, at this very moment, I am undone by the goodness and faithfulness of my God and my Creator. The God of the Universe spoke to me today and I heard Him. Not audibly, but my soul was tuned in to Him.

After reading an article and the ensuing comments, He said "Pray for the woman who spoke out in boldness today and is discouraged. She is feeling weakened." So I have been praying for her.

That's when He told me to tell her that I had prayed. "Well Lord" I argued, "Can't this be between me and you?" Then I listened and trusted and obeyed.

Sending a simple message of encouragement,

"I just want you to know that I am praying an extra covering over you today. Praying that the enemy would not cloud the message."

Her response: "Wow. You have no idea how much I need this covering right now." 

Me, gulping and trying to be bold: "The Holy Spirit whispered your name to me. I am learning to listen. It is hard through so much noise but I am learning and He loves you so."

Her reply: "...this gives me shivers. I asked him to raise up an army for me today. Thank you for listening to him. Love you."

Why do I share this? Because I am an ordinary woman who serves a personal and extraordinary God. He has spoken through dear saints to me. If I say I want Him to use me to bless others, I have to be willing to listen.

Are you willing to be someone's answer to prayer? Are you willing to look foolish or silly in order to give someone strength? Just maybe you can be the light that shines in among the dark clouds to give someone strength.

Always,


Hope

Flawless Beauty

Photography has been one of my passions since I was young. My love of that art increased over the years and some of my favorite college moments were spent in the darkroom bringing images to life.

The most beautiful photographs have texture. They are rich with contrast, shadows and interesting themes.

That is the beauty of life. A flawless life is not beautiful. Perfection has no texture. It has no lights or shadows or interesting themes. It isn't real.

It is our stories that bring us our texture. The paths we have taken to the places we find ourselves give us perspective. Our journey brings us strength.

Don't be disappointed by lack of perfection...

Be energized by the shadows

Find peace in the theme of your life

See the beauty in the texture

Always,

Hope

50 Days to 50 - To Kiss and Make Up

Day 23

The Ibex

This adorable creature lives in my husband's car. We aren't really sure what he is but after an online poll, we decided he looks like and ibex so that is what we call him. It is a reminder to us that laughter can sometimes be the best way to stop an argument.

I know what you're thinking! How could anyone ever argue with The Coffee Guy? After all, we have been married for a long time, you would think we would agree about everything by now. Right. (Ahem)

That day, a few years ago. We disagreed about something really important. No, I can't remember it but really, it was so very big (like many things are when they are right in front of you). I can tell you that it was after Easter. In the middle of it all, he decided to go for a drive. He went to the local all-in-one shopping store. On the 75% off clearance rack sat this poor little thing. He bought it, came home, asked forgiveness and presented me with this adorable pathetic stuffed toy instead of flowers or candy and we just laughed. (I possibly threw it at him which might have been his reason for getting something soft.)

Forgiveness is a blessing. Reconciliation is why Christ came to the earth, to reconcile us to the Father and to each other. My life is filled with moments where I need to forgive and be forgiven. The blessing of receiving those truths from Him gives me strength.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Perspective

Day 10

President Bill Clinton

This is an original, untouched photo that Mrs. Ray of Sunshyne took in the Spring of 2008 during the presidential primaries. Our former president was campaigning for his wife and stopped in our little rural town on his way through our state. We opted to sign Ray out of class to attend the rally held at her school in the gymnasium. She snapped this when he reached through the crowd, leaning over her to shake my hand and thank me for coming.

Isn't this a great photo? It tells part of a story and if I didn't put words to it, you could easily guess the story related to your own experience. You might have thought it was cropped. You could have wondered if the crowd was crushing. You might wonder if he said something that changed our mind or strengthened our resolve in who we were voting for. The truth is, it is only a small part of the story.

I have said it before, everybody has a story. Everyone has been shaped by a lifetime of experiences that cause them to face the trials of life the way they do. So often, we only have a snapshot or glimpse of who someone is and through our own experience, we determine how we are going to treat that person. At times it is our own lives we are left wondering about. How did I get here, what is this all about and how am I going to get through. Recently a friend was lamenting about the six plus years of diapers she had faced with her three children. I jokingly mentioned that I was on 14 years with two children and no end in sight. Strangely enough, it encouraged her. She hadn't looked at it from that side of things.

As we focus on the blessings in our lives we regain a clearer vision of who we are. If we see ourselves through the eyes of a loving God, we begin to understand that He has an eternal point of view. Things that don't make sense to us now, even suffering, will look different when we observe it from a different time and place. If we allow ourselves to get stuck, if we refuse to look deeper, we become discouraged and lose hope.

Today I will reset my focus. Where there was betrayal I will choose forgiveness. Where there is loss I will seek what was gained. In place of worthlessness, I will trust the Lord who has placed in me His worth.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

50 Days to 50 - Lessons Learned from Fiery Trials

Day 9

Mt Baldy

The above photo was taken from one of my favorite places in the world to go away and get alone. I made countless trips up that mountain during my 20's  to push my "reset button". When life would head sideways, I would climb into my little red car to wind my way up the curvy road as George Winston's music filled my soul. Sometimes I would take a picnic with friends, others were just for me to breathe in fresh air to clear the confusion from my mind. Many times it was my sanctuary. It was a place I could count on hearing from God.

Sadly, on my last visit, (it had been about 20 years) I discovered that a fire had wiped out the entire mountain the year before. It was already growing back but would never be the same.

Wildfires have a way of changing the landscape in irrevocable ways but that isn't all bad. Oftentimes the underbrush becomes so thick that new growth can't survive. When a fire occurs, it cleans out dead brush, allowing for sprouts of newness to grow up and become strong. There is no doubt that in the process, the landscape changes forever. Along with the loss comes life and a chance for a fresh start.

Aren't our lives that way? Don't we all have things in our lives that feel it is just too hot? Some experiences are even "fiery trials" that make us feel as we will never survive. These are the times when we find shelter in an all knowing God who continues to be strengthen and freshen us. All the time we feel as if we are being destroyed. Survival seems doubtful. Any hope of quality seems to be demolished but that isn't the whole story.

That is the blessing I am counting today. Trusting His heart for me. No matter what the trials are, I will continue to seek the one who pours Himself out for me. When I am parched, I'll let His Living Water quench my thirsty soul. Although my landscape will change, what grows back will be healthy, vibrant and lush. My desire is that I will be a place of quiet rest. My heart will be ready to rejuvenate others and my life will be used of God to create a place to find His refuge.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

Finding Hidden Treasure

Over two years ago I wrote about receiving Mom's Bible. What a precious gift that has been! When I use it to journal or study, her highlights are there for me to see what stuck out to her. I see what was important. As I have mentioned, my Mom was a woman of deep faith and her passion for women to deepen their faith was a driving force in everything she did. She was an example of strength, perseverance and love. She truly fulfilled her calling to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." She lived it and she taught it.

For at least 18 years of her life she was involved with Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) as a discussion leader. There was a time when she was having a hard time fitting in her homework so she prayed that the Lord would give her time to meet with him. She started waking up around 2 a.m. and decided that this was the answer to her prayer. She would take her bible and notebook to a secluded room in the house to work on her study. After a few nights she began to find a good time during the day and found her sleep uninterrupted again.

A couple of weeks ago, my oldest daughter and I took a trip back to my hometown. We spent time with Dad, visited Disneyland and stayed with "The Aunties". (Background: They aren't really my aunts. They are my mom's best friend and her sister but they are as dear as any aunt could be! When I grew up, we didn't call adults by their first names. I had too much respect to call her by her first name but too much love to call her a Mrs. so she became an Auntie.) I lived with her for a few months as a young adult and then the nine months leading up to my wedding. She has stood in at times when my mother couldn't be there. She has always shown me love, grace and mercy.

During this past visit, I poured my heart out about things I would have told Mom. We discussed family, personal growth and ministry. One night she mentioned what a great resource my mom's notes would be if I could find them. I mentioned it to Dad who said he would look and within a half an hour, he called to tell me he found it.

Yesterday, it arrived. A green vinyl notebook with her notes, just how she left them. Her handwriting, her studies, her thoughts about her faith, God and love. To some just a notebook but to me, it is a treasure with riches beyond measure. One more step in passing on the legacy of a woman who passed on her faith through love, kindness, compassion and strength. My desire is to pass it all on to another generation.

Always,

Hope

What Are You Supposed to Be Doing?

Let me preface this post with this thought, I don't write these words or share these thoughts because I have a grasp on anything. This is a project for me. Its one of my classes in the school of life. As I research, read, interact and experiment I am writing a paper of sorts. Sharing with the class the things I am finding out about my life. Just walking along with my schoolmates. Although most of my posts can be applied to everyday life, some make much more sense if you are a follower of Christ. These teachings are part of my journey to know my Creator more intimately and to grow in my love for Him. This post is more towards the church going crowd. Those who attend regularly and serve in one way or another. I have some interesting thoughts tonight. The need to write them down was pressing on me.
I have grown up attending church. As a two week old baby, my first venture our of the house was straight to the little church my Mom and Dad had attended since their dating days. Only a couple of years out of my life have been spent without a church home or a desire to attend so experience plays a role here.

Burnout has been a reality in churches for as long as I can remember. A few people doing the majority of the work. Those who call themselves Christians dragging through church and life in a tired state. Many children end up as "pew orphans" and families become strained until something gives. I once heard it said that 20% of the people do 80% of the work. Perhaps that is true but there is another truth I've experienced. Many of that 20% don't want to give up control of "their area" of service. There are plenty of gifted folks among the 80% who would be glad to step in but a portion of the 20% feel as if the role belongs to them. Giving up any part of that may mean surrendering control. Even walking away from something that they started. They view it as their baby and can't imagine that anyone else would love it as much as they do.
What came to mind tonight is what if you were willing to give up one or two of your jobs? If you were asked, what would you give up? Would you hand over your favorite job or the one you least enjoy? Would you be willing to step in and take the chance that they may do it better than you? Luke 6:27-30 ²⁷"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ²⁹If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. ³⁰Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. ³¹Do to others as you would have them do to you."
I'm not suggesting that anyone step out of where they are called but are you called to do so much that you sacrifice your family for the sake of a church position? Are we afraid to say no to an area we aren't called to serve because we are afraid of getting passed over for one we have always wanted? We aren't supposed to sacrifice our relationships with others in our church body either. What we are supposed to sacrifice and lay down is our pride, our ego, our selves! 
My challenge to you (and to myself) is to think about these things. Are you the only one called to serve? Are you the only one with a gift? Would you be willing to partake in true growth by dying to self and letting someone else have the chance to serve? What is God truly calling you to do? Are you willing to get out of the way and let God do something new in your life and the life of your church?

Always,

Hope

Are You Being Poisoned?

There are a few members of my family that enjoy a good crime drama. True life crime stories are just as fascinating. What amazes me is the lengths that some will go to in order to trap their victims. Poison can be one of the most difficult methods to detect. Did you know that poison can be sweet? It can be hidden in everyday food so its not detected by the target or those observing.

I'm finding that bitterness can permeate our everyday life in the same way. Sometimes through speech, our thought life and interactions with others.  Its often not obvious but can be slowly interjected into everyday conversation. We relay stories involving perceived hurts we have endured at the hands of others or we listen to such tales. The next thing we know we have picked up an offense against another. That is when the bitterness starts to take root. It doesn't take much to make it grow.

Bitterness is much easier to detect when an obvious fault has been perpetrated but it is no less poisonous in those cases. It destroys just as much and makes it easier for us to justify. So what is the antidote? How do we  keep from being contaminated?

In Exodus 15:23-25, the only source of water for the Israelites is in a place called Marah which is literally translated "bitter". The Lord showed Moses a tree to cast into the water which became not only drinkable but sweet.

What a fantastic picture! When we are presented with pools of bitterness, we are to call out to the giver of life. Some would even say that the wood represents the cross being placed in the midst of the bitter pool to make it sweet. Even better, Jesus heals the hurts and offers sweet living water.

When the negative comments or thoughts come in a trickle, when they are disguised as sharing concerns or getting support for the hurts someone has endured, we still have to call on the one who can make bitter things sweet. He can heal the hurtful words and keep them from killing off relationships. He can keep us from poisoning ourselves as well as keep us from injuring others.

There are at least two keys that will keep a root of bitterness from growing, one is forgiveness, the second is taking thoughts captive.
Forgiveness is addressed in Ephesians. Verses 4:31,32 admonish us "³¹ Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. ³² And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." When we think of all that Christ has forgiven us for,  its sobering to think of the petty things (in contrast) that we hold onto.
Do you have little things that have sprouted up in your life? Do you have unforgiveness that needs to be addressed? Is today the day to search your heart for those things that only God can turn sweet?

Always,

Hope

Up next: Forgiveness and taking thoughts captive.