A Personal Look at Hurricane Katrina

Seven years ago this week, many of us sat in our living rooms in stunned silence as images of destruction flowed across our screens. In the following days, the situation deteriorated beyond anyone's wildest imagination. The combination of nature and human error tore in as hopelessness weighed on all of us.

I wasn't in my living room. I was almost four hours away from home in a children's hospital with my youngest child. After a failed heart catheter procedure, they opened up my tiny little girl to repair one of the few things on her body that was considered "fixable". 

We sat for several days in a surreal fog with stories of disaster mixed with unbelievable stories of heroism. We were a captive audience in that tiny hospital room. Switching between dvds and news stations, we tried to preserve our sanity.

While watching our daughter closely, we were doing everything we could to help her pull through. She has a complicated anatomy and when it comes time for surgery, we always hold our breath. The world focused on the French Quarter and we focused on the beeping monitors, draining tubes and vital signs of our precious girl.

Today, as the Gulf Coast faces another storm, (Hurricane Isaac) we made our way to Portland again. This time for an annual checkup but I must admit, it was a strange feeling. We didn't expect anything big with our visit but you never know. The forecasters are predicting a milder storm but they don't always know either, do they? As it turns out, all is stable and we will return next year at the same time.

Sometimes I mark major world events with whatever is going on in our lives at the same time. Honestly, I'm sure that we aren't the only ones who mark these times with something personal. We often forget that even when the world is focused on major disaster, there is still someone, somewhere, walking a rocky path in their life. The difference is, they are doing it alone without the spotlight of tv cameras and news crews at every corner.

My Creator knows all of these things. He knows what will happen next, how we will react and what we need to thrive. He holds us through every storm if we let Him. He even knows the storms we face when life goes on around us. His focus is on us, on me, on you dear one.

Psalm 31:24 "Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who hope in the Lord."

Today and throughout the week, we will continue to pray for the safety of those in the path of the storm. We hope the lessons learned from the past will help to keep the damage to a minimum. My prayer is that as the waters recede and the winds die down, we will be reminded that we all need each other.

Always,

Hope

What the Good Samaritan Taught Me

I try not to talk about what the church "isn't" doing, preferring to focus on what is good, pure, lovely, etc. Sometimes it is in the contrast that we see the beauty that is hidden. The true gift that community is supposed to be, sometimes needs a little help rising to the surface.

The Princess and I were sitting at the church office, visiting with our Guy when the youth pastor dropped in to ask a few questions. Part way into the conversation he looked over at our girl and said "She really should come to youth group. It would be good for the kids. She would really like it too." Wide eyed and choked up I pushed out an astonished "That would be great. She would love that, but how would we get her upstairs?" He replied "We would figure something out." Tears blurred my vision as I just sat stunned, overwhelmed, thankful, determined.

If you are new here you may not know that our sweetness uses a wheelchair. She doesn't speak, wears diapers and drools (sometimes profusely). We stash a rag on the back of her chair, an extra in one of her backpacks. Now she uses a g-tube to get all nutrition but a few years ago she was still using a bottle to to get any bit of nourishment we could literally squeeze into her body.

For four years we pastored in a small town about 20 minutes east of town. When it was time to return to our church home, we had to rethink more than just ministry. Our little girl was an infant when we left. Now she was old enough for the kid's programs.

The first Sunday back, I was excited for our sweet one to be with a large group of kiddos, singing, praising and worshiping. As the children gathered, the worship leader took her seat, I took The Princess out of her chair, sat her on the floor next to the others in front so she could see. I stepped to the back of the room to watch. The lady with the guitar acknowledged her, mentioning how happy she was to have here there.

When all the children had filed in, crossing their legs on the floor, the leader stood up, walked around to the back of the group telling them to get up and turn around to face her. It was kind of an exercise to get those in back to experience the front I suppose. My stomach completely dropped as the most vulnerable child, my own daughter, unable to turn herself around just sat there, facing no one. As tears burned, threatening to spill over on my hot cheeks, I  snatched her off the floor and carried her upstairs, leaving her wheelchair sitting empty, unnoticed, at the back of the room. Choking back tears, I declared to my husband, "I can't do this. This isn't going to happen. Please get us out of here." 

But we stayed.

For three more years we showed up. We would serve where we were allowed and participate where we were welcomed. Increasingly it became evident that those places were few. Even our beautiful daughter was not seen as a blessing but rather a burden. Even after offers of holding a training to demystify and quip others to enjoy her and other children with differences, it was clear, she was too much work. There "wasn't enough help" for her to be allowed to attend Sunday School. 

Can I explain something here? My daughter is the easiest child to care for in a contained amount of time. She doesn't misbehave, she can't run off, she doesn't disrupt the class and she LOVES all things Jesus. She loves other children, music and stories. Even then, it isn't just about her. All children benefit by being around a child who isn't just like them but that didn't happen because unless we were able to set up a special person to care for her, she was not allowed. For us, as long as we made it to first service, we were covered, if not there was only one other option. That was to take her in to church with us.

We would sit, pull her up on one of our laps and we would all worship. Then announcements would come. That was our cue to head out to the hallway. There were monitors there. We could crane our necks but at least we were getting to hear the teaching, right?

Well, that was great in theory but it is really hard to listen when everyone on their way to the bathroom or corralling a rowdy toddler wants to engage you in conversation. Where the rules inside were stifling, (every peep seemed frowned upon by leadership) the hallway was the opposite. There was no way to get in a full lesson. After a few weeks of this, we were spent. We were done.

It was then, at home in our office that I heard a sermon that poured into my emptiness. It gave me hope that there are still believers out there somewhere that really cared. They weren't there to preserve order in a five year old classroom but they were willing to get out, get messy and get real. I mean in the trenches where it is dirty, painfully, gut wrenching real.

They called their series "Church Without Walls". The speaker told the story of the "Good Samaritan". The man who was beat up and left to die on a roadside while people of his kind walked by on the other side of the street, ignoring his cry and his pain. It was left up to a man who by all accounts was an enemy to their people. This day, this story became new. It became real. It became my passion.

What really sunk in my gut for the first time was that "the church", is so busy doing good in the name of God that we don't see the aching souls around us. We don't see the hurting people in our midst. Some of us have gotten so focused on training our members to "minister" that we step over wounded souls on our way to endless retreats, seminars and conferences. We send our youth on trips to bordering countries to take part in church building projects to improve our own facilities. Very few are taught to serve in our own church body. The homeless in our own community are ignored. The disabled, addicted and grieving were avoided in order to get to our own causes.

We cried out for direction and our hollow sobs were heard. It was slow in our own eyes but perfect timing in retrospect.

Our new body of Christ followers welcomed us enthusiastically. They took us all in with grace and excitement. The children's team looked right past any differences to the pureness of heart in this precious person that scripture tells me is "fearfully and wonderfully made". Not only that, this new home has a vital ministry to the homeless that supports those who need healing from abuse, addiction and hopelessness.

It hasn't all been perfect. That's okay. Even in leaving our former place, it sparked movement in the hearts of some whose focus needed to be sharpened. Sometimes you need to make a bold movement to be heard.

The thing is, all of it, every bit of the journey, old, new, painful and joyous has led us to a deeper understanding of grace. We have a sweeter knowledge of a Saviour whose rejection was the passage to our salvation. If we had never walked that valley, how would  understand a family like ours? If we never knew indifference, how would we know the need for involvement within our own community?

The story of the Good Samaritan had become a new lesson for me. It is no longer just about being the Samaritan who loved his neighbor. It is about heading out to minister and not walking past those He has put in my reach. Those who need their wounds tended to along the way. I can no longer ignore the groans of those right here. Ministering in all parts of the world is still vital  but we need to be willing to attend to those on our way there.

Holding her own back pack
on the way to Mother's Day Brunch

Next month we celebrate the 13th year of life for our precious miracle. My baby is growing up. Hopefully her mommy is growing up too. We will hopefully have worked out a way to get her and a no longer tiny chair up to the youth room for Sunday morning youth church. I have suggested that we make a hole in the roof and have four kids lower her in on a blanket. The fact that there are those who want to try blesses me to my core.

Always,

Hope

50 Days to 50 - Perspective

Day 10

President Bill Clinton

This is an original, untouched photo that Mrs. Ray of Sunshyne took in the Spring of 2008 during the presidential primaries. Our former president was campaigning for his wife and stopped in our little rural town on his way through our state. We opted to sign Ray out of class to attend the rally held at her school in the gymnasium. She snapped this when he reached through the crowd, leaning over her to shake my hand and thank me for coming.

Isn't this a great photo? It tells part of a story and if I didn't put words to it, you could easily guess the story related to your own experience. You might have thought it was cropped. You could have wondered if the crowd was crushing. You might wonder if he said something that changed our mind or strengthened our resolve in who we were voting for. The truth is, it is only a small part of the story.

I have said it before, everybody has a story. Everyone has been shaped by a lifetime of experiences that cause them to face the trials of life the way they do. So often, we only have a snapshot or glimpse of who someone is and through our own experience, we determine how we are going to treat that person. At times it is our own lives we are left wondering about. How did I get here, what is this all about and how am I going to get through. Recently a friend was lamenting about the six plus years of diapers she had faced with her three children. I jokingly mentioned that I was on 14 years with two children and no end in sight. Strangely enough, it encouraged her. She hadn't looked at it from that side of things.

As we focus on the blessings in our lives we regain a clearer vision of who we are. If we see ourselves through the eyes of a loving God, we begin to understand that He has an eternal point of view. Things that don't make sense to us now, even suffering, will look different when we observe it from a different time and place. If we allow ourselves to get stuck, if we refuse to look deeper, we become discouraged and lose hope.

Today I will reset my focus. Where there was betrayal I will choose forgiveness. Where there is loss I will seek what was gained. In place of worthlessness, I will trust the Lord who has placed in me His worth.

Always,

Hope

(NOTE: This is my Jubilee year. Scripture speaks of this year as a time for restoration and debts to be cancelled. I see it as a time to reflect and to count my blessings. Knowing how precious life is and how miraculous it is, I want to write about His goodness.)

In Search of a Miracle

A couple of weeks ago, a very sweet lady was talking to The Coffee Guy at church. As I walked up I heard her end with "I am still praying for her to be healed" referring to The Princess. I smiled and let her know some of the progress that is being made with walking, her health and learning. She was happy to hear it and we headed into the service.
Prayer is a gift that I am all too happy to receive. Sweet saints who want to talk to God in our behalf is a blessing! Can I be completely open here? I think the word "healing" means different things to different people and with that confusion can creep up when we least expect it.
The Princess was born with a rare genetic disorder that caused multiple medical anomalies or birth defects. What could be corrected surgically (that we know of) has been done. The therapies she needs to train her to function to the best of her abilities are being done. It is probable that she will never use words or solve a math problem (which I can relate to). Here is the but, (admit it, you knew it was coming) she isn't sick. Not right now at least. Yes, when she gets sick she become fragile but she isn't sick. She is The Princess who was made different from so many of us.
I have written about the scars I grew up with and how the Doctors thought it was best to change the way I look, presumably so I would fit in with my peers. It didn't work. I never became exactly like my peers and no one should try to conform. What those experiences did was give me compassion, empathy and strength to deal with other things. It must have improved my eyes because I can see beauty in a unique way and that is worth every taunt, every stare and every lonely moment that being different brought.
Want to know what one of the best things is that I see? I see miracles that others miss. I understand the miracle of life and how the tiniest of cells can jumble things up. Knowing how hard it is for a child with ES to develop well enough to be born is knowing I live with a miracle. The abandoned infant rescue center went through 250 files before finding us. Another family had agreed to adopt her until they read her medical records and changed their minds. So many things could have happened to keep us from knowing her but God knew we needed a miracle! There was so much we needed to learn, so many ways we needed to grow and so many lives she has touched. She is the miracle I didn't know I needed.
You see, I think it is much harder for someone to change their heart than it is for a doctor to heal many illnesses. Finding peace in this chaotic life is miraculous to me. To find hope in a hopeless world or friendship among those whose only connection seems to be an extra chromosome in a child, deserves to be called a miracle.

Are you in need of a miracle? Maybe you just need to change your definition of miracle.

Always,

Hope

Is God Enough? Part 2

My oldest brother was diagnosed with Leukemia three weeks before my wedding. Four day later, he died from a ruptured spleen because His cancer had been misdiagnosed for several months by an incompetent "doctor" in a small rural town. There were countless questions that even when answered weren't enough to bring comfort. Jesus was not only enough, He was our comforter. When our depression set in, He was our deliverer. When we were bewildered, He was our answer.

If God can be enough in life's most painful moments, then we need to choose to trust Him with the direction of our lives in the smaller moments. If He can see us through the darkest hours He is more than enough to get us through the times that are confusing. When we are treated in ways that make us feel insignificant, we need to remember, He is our significance.


A couple of weeks ago, I began to feel insignificant within the body of Christ. (Note, that was a feeling based on feelings. Not on the truth.) I was reading into the actions of others and I bought into the lie that no one noticed my existence. It was one of those times where I was starting to fall back on what I was doing for my worth. My focus was on my activities of service positions more than on my position in Christ. Being in His presence, belonging to Him and being open to whatever He brings is significant.


There are times in the body of Christ when we are equipped for a job but not chosen. We can even be called to it but because of man's freewill, still be passed over for a position. Be assured, God will still use it to shape us in some way. My good friend told me this past week, "He won't let anything go to waste". What we think may be ashes are what God time and time again will turn to beauty.


So that brings me back to the question, is God enough? Oh my dear friends, He is always more than enough.


Always,


Hope

Is the Pursuit of Happiness an Empty Pursuit?

Happiness is such an interesting concept. It is on my heart today and because I endeavor to not only be honest, I need to be open, the past couple of days have not been "happy".


Last week I had a wonderful, once in a lifetime trip with my Ray of Sunshine! We went Southern California, visited my Dad, stayed with my Mom's longtime dearest friend and spent a hilarious, fun filled, 24 hour day at The Happiest Place On Earth®! For so many reasons I spent the entire week, very happy.


All week I had very little sleep, lived on adrenalin and flew back tired, with a worn out voice, ready for a rest. Although rest was in the forecast, something went wrong. The Coffee Guy threw out his back three hours before he was supposed to leave to pick us up at the airport. He has been unable to pick up The Princess which means I came home tired and in certain ways, on my own. My Saturday, lounging around pajama day didn't happen and my Sunday was filled with obligations and meetings. It has been very hard to be in touch with "happy" through the fatigue as well as watching the one I love so much endure his pain.


Today as I was trying to rest and enjoying quietness of the day, the Lord ministered a thought to my heart. Happiness is based on circumstances. Joy is rooted deep in your soul and can only come from stripping away our need to make ourselves happy. Do not seek the external to fill the needs of the internal.


What if we sought our joy instead of always searching for happiness? Things are going to happen in our lives that will steal away our happiness at a moments notice. An injustice, an abusive comment or a horrible tragedy can destroy our happiness. Joy on the other hand is what our precious Lord wants to plant deep in our soul. When my dear friend's son died a tragic death last year, happiness was the last thing on her mind but the joy of the Lord that she drew from not only strengthened her, it inspired everyone she came in contact with.


Today, when I am tired, disappointed in circumstances, feeling alone with happiness just out of my reach, I will still find joy. I will rest in His strength and seek His peace in my heart. I will trust Him and wait on Him.


Always,


Hope

When Life Seems So Unfair

Someone very dear to me is facing a very difficult trial in her life. Its one of those situations where you just shake your head and wonder what God has planned. We don't know but we know the following:




1. He loves us unconditionally. Romans 5:8


2. He will never leave us or forsake us. Deuteronomy 31:6


3. He has a plan. Jeremiah 29:11


4. Did I mention He loves us? Jeremiah 31:3


My hope is that you are finding peace and rest in Him no matter what you are facing today.

Always,

Hope

Stepping Into Ministry-Part II

When I speak of ministry I am referring to all Christ followers. We have all been called to minister in some way or another. We are being equipped daily to reach into the lives of others and to bring light into a very dark world. From the day that we commit our lives to Him and become born again (John 3:7b) we are destined to minister. Just like our physical life, as we grow we gain more ability, as we mature we are given more responsibility, our spiritual growth is much the same. We learn lessons both spoken and through experience. As  children, there were many lessons we learn by being told and simply believing our parents, others had to be learned the hard way.

My dear friend has great examples in her four children. Her oldest had to test daily if the limits were still there. The next one just needed to test every so often but found comfort in boundaries. The third was compliant and faced things on an emotional level and the fourth understands on a logical level. We can sit in church, listen to sermons and act on the principles taught. There are many of us who have to "try it out" first. The beauty is that the Lord knows our learning styles. He knew that allowing me to have a birth mark and subsequent scar on my face would give me compassion for children who are teased  far more than a lesson or lecture would have. As a young woman, I knew in my head that infertility would be a sad thing but until I walked that path for years, I couldn't truly be used to comfort a woman as she grieved the loss. If I had been able to give birth to more children, I most likely wouldn't have pursued the adoption of the Princess, who has taught me more about faith and trust than anyone else in my life.

Whatever trial you have faced or are experiencing at this moment, you can be sure that it won't be discarded but be used to make something beautiful. It may be the catalyst to form a deep relationship, minister to a hurting person or spur on someone giving them hope. Be sure that if you submit it to your Creator, you will be given the freedom to be a blessing to others. On this earth we may never know why but in faith and trust, we can allow it to be used to bless the lives of others. Joseph was used to save his people. How will you be used? Will you allow peace to invade your soul?

Always,

Hope