My Heart is Soaring, I'm Wrecked

Maybe my blood pressure is a little high but I don't think that's it. At the moment I am experiencing that "peace that passes understanding". Whatever it is, basking in it seems like the only sensible thing to do.

Last Friday night I had my first speaking event in years. This Friday I'll have my second. I am in awe and wonder at God's grace. He is taking our story and using it to bring hope. Allowing the past trials to become stories of faith and healing means that He makes beauty for ashes.

Last night I was reading the stories from Help One Now bloggers in Haiti. Photos of the tent city, descriptions of the horrors still going on two and a half years after the earthquake filled their pages. In the midst of it all there is a sense of joy among the people. A knowledge that the things of this earth are temporal. "A peace that passes understanding". That is what I want to always be reminded of.

As I sat in my writing room last night and my husband worked in his office, I thought about how crazy blessed we are to have a home at all. The things we take for granted everyday like toilets, running water and a solid roof. We are so saturated with conveniences and necessities at our fingertips. We complain about cable going out, internet being slow and having to wait at a restaurant. We get sick and go to the doctor. Even without insurance, here in the States we are able to get basic needs met. In Haiti, they are thankful for a tent in the sludge with stifling heat. When they get sick, they pray, they seek God they know their need for Him. Mary DeMuth quoted another team member as saying "We solve our problems, and in doing so, we stiff arm the Lord."

I don't want to "stiff arm the Lord" anymore. I don't want to take for granted the amazing life I have here. When Scripture says "And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19 NIV1984), it isn't according to MY riches! My needs don't simply get met by myself. He wants to meet my needs. He wants me to stop striving, focus on Him and trust Him to provide.

This weekend I am privileged to speak at a women's retreat full of women seeking direction on their journey of faith. All I can do is tell my story and invite them along. With so much still to learn, the daily lessons of faith, trust and grace are all I have to share but that is more than enough.

Where are you in your journey of faith? What lessons are current for you? What past lessons are speaking loud right now?

Always,

Hope

A Personal Look at Hurricane Katrina

Seven years ago this week, many of us sat in our living rooms in stunned silence as images of destruction flowed across our screens. In the following days, the situation deteriorated beyond anyone's wildest imagination. The combination of nature and human error tore in as hopelessness weighed on all of us.

I wasn't in my living room. I was almost four hours away from home in a children's hospital with my youngest child. After a failed heart catheter procedure, they opened up my tiny little girl to repair one of the few things on her body that was considered "fixable". 

We sat for several days in a surreal fog with stories of disaster mixed with unbelievable stories of heroism. We were a captive audience in that tiny hospital room. Switching between dvds and news stations, we tried to preserve our sanity.

While watching our daughter closely, we were doing everything we could to help her pull through. She has a complicated anatomy and when it comes time for surgery, we always hold our breath. The world focused on the French Quarter and we focused on the beeping monitors, draining tubes and vital signs of our precious girl.

Today, as the Gulf Coast faces another storm, (Hurricane Isaac) we made our way to Portland again. This time for an annual checkup but I must admit, it was a strange feeling. We didn't expect anything big with our visit but you never know. The forecasters are predicting a milder storm but they don't always know either, do they? As it turns out, all is stable and we will return next year at the same time.

Sometimes I mark major world events with whatever is going on in our lives at the same time. Honestly, I'm sure that we aren't the only ones who mark these times with something personal. We often forget that even when the world is focused on major disaster, there is still someone, somewhere, walking a rocky path in their life. The difference is, they are doing it alone without the spotlight of tv cameras and news crews at every corner.

My Creator knows all of these things. He knows what will happen next, how we will react and what we need to thrive. He holds us through every storm if we let Him. He even knows the storms we face when life goes on around us. His focus is on us, on me, on you dear one.

Psalm 31:24 "Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who hope in the Lord."

Today and throughout the week, we will continue to pray for the safety of those in the path of the storm. We hope the lessons learned from the past will help to keep the damage to a minimum. My prayer is that as the waters recede and the winds die down, we will be reminded that we all need each other.

Always,

Hope

Soothing My Soul

Worship is one of the things I love most about Sunday mornings. The gathering together of the saints to celebrate our Saviour and to encourage one another in the faith is priceless. I know that the freedom to meet together should never be taken for granted so every time we can, we do. (We don't meet out of obligation but out of pure joy!)
Yesterday, the worship team led one song that struck a chord in particular. There is actually a story behind it for me.
When my mom passed away, as we planned her memorial, I requested two songs that we would sing all together. "Because He Lives" reminded me that God would give us the strength to get through. I also chose it because Mom loved that song. We sang it at my niece's service many years ago and Mom found comfort there. I remember her telling me so.
The second song was "Blessed Be Your Name" written by Beth and Matt Redman. It had already been a balm to my soul and I wanted to share it with my family. The middle verses were especially perfect following 11 years of watching her battle a long drawn out illness that stole her away bit by bit.

"Blessed be Your name

When the sun's shining down on me

When the world's 'all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name"

During the service the piano started to play and I knew within three notes, the old hymn, "Blessed Be THE Name" was ringing out. The pastor leaned over and began to profusely apologize. He had even checked with me ahead of time to make sure but somewhere along the line, the worship leader got it mixed up. The song I wanted to share, would stay tucked away.

So yesterday, as we have so many times since that day, I had another chance to soak it in, to sing it out and to once again feel the comfort of the Spirit pouring through me. Instead of this song taking me back to a most difficult day, it takes me forward, closer and more intimate with the Saviour whose name truly is blessed. No matter where my road leads, no matter what the path holds for me, "my heart will choose to say, blessed be your name".

Always,

Hope

In Search of a Miracle

A couple of weeks ago, a very sweet lady was talking to The Coffee Guy at church. As I walked up I heard her end with "I am still praying for her to be healed" referring to The Princess. I smiled and let her know some of the progress that is being made with walking, her health and learning. She was happy to hear it and we headed into the service.
Prayer is a gift that I am all too happy to receive. Sweet saints who want to talk to God in our behalf is a blessing! Can I be completely open here? I think the word "healing" means different things to different people and with that confusion can creep up when we least expect it.
The Princess was born with a rare genetic disorder that caused multiple medical anomalies or birth defects. What could be corrected surgically (that we know of) has been done. The therapies she needs to train her to function to the best of her abilities are being done. It is probable that she will never use words or solve a math problem (which I can relate to). Here is the but, (admit it, you knew it was coming) she isn't sick. Not right now at least. Yes, when she gets sick she become fragile but she isn't sick. She is The Princess who was made different from so many of us.
I have written about the scars I grew up with and how the Doctors thought it was best to change the way I look, presumably so I would fit in with my peers. It didn't work. I never became exactly like my peers and no one should try to conform. What those experiences did was give me compassion, empathy and strength to deal with other things. It must have improved my eyes because I can see beauty in a unique way and that is worth every taunt, every stare and every lonely moment that being different brought.
Want to know what one of the best things is that I see? I see miracles that others miss. I understand the miracle of life and how the tiniest of cells can jumble things up. Knowing how hard it is for a child with ES to develop well enough to be born is knowing I live with a miracle. The abandoned infant rescue center went through 250 files before finding us. Another family had agreed to adopt her until they read her medical records and changed their minds. So many things could have happened to keep us from knowing her but God knew we needed a miracle! There was so much we needed to learn, so many ways we needed to grow and so many lives she has touched. She is the miracle I didn't know I needed.
You see, I think it is much harder for someone to change their heart than it is for a doctor to heal many illnesses. Finding peace in this chaotic life is miraculous to me. To find hope in a hopeless world or friendship among those whose only connection seems to be an extra chromosome in a child, deserves to be called a miracle.

Are you in need of a miracle? Maybe you just need to change your definition of miracle.

Always,

Hope

Making a Quiet Difference

Lucy: You give up your seat every day in the train. 

Peter: Well... But that's not heroic. 

Lucy: It is to the person who sits in it.

~While You Were Sleeping~

We all want to feel significant. We all want to know we matter. In our search for those things we often want to feel as if we have made a difference in the life of someone else. The difficult part is knowing how to measure those things. In a previous post on competition, I discussed the need many find to "do better" than the next person. We lose our feeling of significance by the false belief that more is always better. Many of us want to make a difference but feel as if we fail if we don't don't get more attention than someone else.

When Ray went to high school we had many discussions about popularity. What makes kids popular and what value is there in that? So many work to be the prettiest, smartest or the best athlete. What if we taught each other to be the kindest? What if we told our children that being generous was more important that being popular? Even better, what if we showed it?

As a Christ follower, living in grace must mean I am giving out grace. Being gracious means I am not looking out for myself but looking out for others even when they are not being nice to me. That brings me to one of the most life changing verses I have in my arsenal: Philippians 2:1 "Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2 fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

My Facebook doesn't have the biggest friends list, very few people are following my pins on Pinterest and even less follow my Twitter. What I say may not make an impact on the masses but my hope is that today (because I only have today) that one person I encounter will feel more valued when I cross their path.

Who will you choose to bless today? Will others see the mind of Christ in you? How do you plan to make a quiet difference?

Always,

Hope

Is God Enough? Part 2

My oldest brother was diagnosed with Leukemia three weeks before my wedding. Four day later, he died from a ruptured spleen because His cancer had been misdiagnosed for several months by an incompetent "doctor" in a small rural town. There were countless questions that even when answered weren't enough to bring comfort. Jesus was not only enough, He was our comforter. When our depression set in, He was our deliverer. When we were bewildered, He was our answer.

If God can be enough in life's most painful moments, then we need to choose to trust Him with the direction of our lives in the smaller moments. If He can see us through the darkest hours He is more than enough to get us through the times that are confusing. When we are treated in ways that make us feel insignificant, we need to remember, He is our significance.


A couple of weeks ago, I began to feel insignificant within the body of Christ. (Note, that was a feeling based on feelings. Not on the truth.) I was reading into the actions of others and I bought into the lie that no one noticed my existence. It was one of those times where I was starting to fall back on what I was doing for my worth. My focus was on my activities of service positions more than on my position in Christ. Being in His presence, belonging to Him and being open to whatever He brings is significant.


There are times in the body of Christ when we are equipped for a job but not chosen. We can even be called to it but because of man's freewill, still be passed over for a position. Be assured, God will still use it to shape us in some way. My good friend told me this past week, "He won't let anything go to waste". What we think may be ashes are what God time and time again will turn to beauty.


So that brings me back to the question, is God enough? Oh my dear friends, He is always more than enough.


Always,


Hope

Two Bibles and Two Women

A year ago today, the body of my mother was laid to rest in a cemetery outside of Los Angeles. We know she wasn't there but the arms that held me as a little girl, the warm eyes that greeted me as a confused teen and the smile that stayed with me as a joyous bride won't be seen again. They all belonged to a body that had done its job here on earth. The sweet soul that was once among us, is now peacefully worshiping at the feet of our loving Saviour. There is significant pain that is soothed by hope and a peace that truly passes understanding.
My recent routine in the morning involves sitting by the fireplace with my hands clasped around a steaming cup of creamer doused coffee. On my coffee table, side by side are two bibles that both hold deep meaning. Both are in need of new covers, both have highlighted pages and occasional notes in the margins. One I have had for almost 25 years, the other only one very short year.
The red one, a New King James Version of the Open Bible, with my maiden name engraved on the front. Never one to be like everyone else, I wanted to spell it Kaye with an "e" (long before I was ever introduced to Anne of Green Gables, I was sure that adding an "e" to my middle name would somehow make it more interesting). So when my parents bought me the new bible, Mom had the printers add the extra letter.
It was a beautiful Christmas gift, given at a time in my life that I am frankly surprised I didn't reject it. This was one of the darkest periods of my life filled with insecurities, doubt, discouragement and deep depression. I had strayed away from the beliefs I had at one time held dearly, creating a chasm between myself and my family but even worse, between myself and my God. The beauty of the timing is that when I was ready to return, my Lord was waiting and so was this treasured Christmas gift.
The mauve colored bible on my table is a thick study bible and as I have mentioned before, it is highlighted with the sweet verses that were so meaningful to Mom. There were words that she memorized and kept in her heart in order to comfort herself in those later days when she could no longer find the pages. She used them to comfort herself when confusion would overwhelm her. As her mind was slowly drifting away, the one thing that never did was the peace and calm she found in resting in her Lord and Saviour.
Both are precious to me. I like hopping back and forth between the two different versions to gain clarity. Its delightful to read what was precious to Mom and what she thought about certain passages. When I pick up the one that guided me through so many years, I see old notes. Some mark the times that I was struggling and others when I was experiencing triumphs or learning key principles for my life.
The past year has emphasized even more for me that I don't have time to take anything for granted.  My relationships, my faith and whatever time I might have left on this earth are priceless. Those two beautiful leather bound books hold within them the heart of my Heavenly Father and the love of an incredible mother. A mother who never stopped praying to or praising her God. A woman who never stopped believing that the love of her God could deliver a confused and helpless soul, entrusted to her to raise into a grateful and blessed woman.

,

Always,

Hope