Freedom From Competition

This is not a writing about kids sports and the current trend towards removing competition and scoring in order to make everyone feel good. I have no problem with children (and even adults) competing in sports, band performances or other scored activities that cause them to work hard to achieve goals. Measuring yourself against other athletes can help you to improve in areas that are important to you.

As a mom, woman and daughter I have met more than my share of "competitors" in my life. Those women who cook better, clean faster and keep up with more children. Mothers who gave birth quicker, weaned later and still have time to make gifts for all of the teachers, bus drivers and aides at their children's schools. Their children walked sooner, spoke fluently early and of course were potty trained before anyone else's. I would love to tell you that I never tried to keep up but that would be a lie.

I too wasted many moments of my life trying to measure up to the standards of those around me. Being content with doing my best took second place to being first place. Attending certain functions meant making the most outstanding attractive dish, making people laugh or saying something memorable and profound.

Then along came the Princess. What a game changer she turned out to be. The focus turned from being the best to doing whatever was best for this vulnerable and sometimes very sick human being. Pursuing the best for her meant researching therapies, surgeries and treatments to allow her to be the best that she could be. For her to have the opportunity to someday walk, communicate and live through each scary hospital stay, my time would have to turn to seeking those things for her. We only compare to other children with her syndrome because it helps to try out what has worked for some an not for others.

What is so great about life lessons is that they bleed over into all areas. Being part of something is much more enjoyable when you don't have to be the best but your best. You don't have to win arguments in order to be valuable in fact sometimes its better not to win. You can't grow from believing you already have the answers. Growth comes from pursuing what we don't know.

The other lesson comes from knowing that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made". You really don't get that until you look into the face of a child who will never enter a competition let alone win one. This verse was not written only for the child whose name will be in the paper announcing their big achievement. Its not just pro-life rhetoric. It is the truth about every human ever created. Every person who has never even scored a point or achieved academic greatness is made as wonderfully as those who have.

God does not see us in light of our achievement but the light of His love. You cannot earn His grace, you only need to reach out and accept it. I am so blessed that He doesn't only accept my failures, he turns them into triumphs. I am a winner in the eyes of a loving God and in pursuit of being the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and cook I can be at this moment. Most of all I am free.

Always,

Hope

The Many Levels of Valentine's Day

Validation Day. I think of it as a "Performance Day" or "The Day of Great Expectations" both as a mom and as a wife. Let me be clear, these expectations haven't been imposed by anyone but myself. Nevertheless, they can be frustrating and impede my progress.


As a mom, I would love to have showered my kiddos with the grand gifts, crafts and celebrations like other moms do. Just to be organized enough to sit and make outstanding Valentines to pass out in class the next day.

Look what my friend Kris did with her kids last night!

I am sure somewhere on here it says "Made by Supermom"

Yes, these are iPods made out of candy heart boxes and kisses for the ear buds. How crazy cool is that?

Then there is my friend Tonja.

Won't her kids be thrilled?

I don't have a photo of what we did. I didn't have time to get out the camera as I dug through three different closets trying to find the small box of Mickey Mouse cards I bought on clearance last year. We managed to locate the name list to send back to school so the assistants in her class can help The Princess  assemble her cards for her friends. I was feeling positive about it until I started seeing pictures on Facebook of candy covered tables with balloons waiting for the kids to arrive home. Shots of handmade valentines that no doubt included something special for the teacher. (ahem)


It seems that I forgot my own writing about competition. I needed to be reminded that my value comes from what was done for me by a loving and powerful God, not by what I do. That doesn't negate the special things we do for our kids and families. It doesn't at all take away the blessings we find in creating special moments for our family. It certainly doesn't mean that I won't steal ideas for next year! It just means that my worth as a mom doesn't hinge on it.


The other side of the coin is the expectations we put on those around us. In particular, as a wife, it is so easy to put pressure on my husband. You really should feel sorry for the situation that The Coffee Guy found himself in for several years. Was the card big enough? Were the flowers the right color? Did he make restaurant reservations in time? Did he read my mind and book that weekend getaway to Paris or even better, Tuscany? I always measured how much he loved me by how well he met my standards. My impossible, unfair standards that were no doubt created by some TV show that most likely was written by a woman.


Thankfully, we have found freedom. Freedom from having to perform. Freedom to show grace, mercy and true compassion for each other. Freedom to really love each other. That means pursuing love as an action, not as a feeling.

This guy seriously loves me!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 4 "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails..."


We all need to be allowed to be ourselves. To express and celebrate in our own way and to realize that it really is a blessing to show others their value in who the Creator made them to be as well as snuggle down in the comfort of knowing he adores us too!


Consider yourself validated!


Always,


Hope