Why I Am a Fan of Rosa but Not Her Law

I am aware that I am tardy on addressing this topic, some may slow or even retarded in saying anything.
Did you gasp when you read that? Were you appalled? Of all people, why would I use such a term? How dare I say that? I dared to use it because I used it correctly. My usage was to refer to being slow or slower than most in doing what I have set out to do. The word itself is not what is at issue for me, it is all in the attitude and use of the word.
Rosa'a Law has wonderful intent and if you read the family's quotes, they got it right. Unfortunately, the law misses the point. The law legislates how the federal government uses the word in describing individuals with intellectual disabilities. They are no longer allowed to use the term "mentally retarded". Instead it reads,S. 2781, the "Rosa's Law," which changes references in many Federal statutes that currently refer to "mental retardation" to refer, instead, to "intellectual disability". If you are wondering what my point is, trust me, I have one (The Coffee Guy will tell you I "always have a point"!).
My memory is very clear about when the misuse of this word first stung me. I was in a darling coffee house, relaxed on an overstuffed couch with a sweet fragrant hard caramel latte warming up my hands. The music played in the background while folks quietly chattered around me at their tables. As I was settling into the moment when a laughing teenaged girl loudly gushed "He is so retarded!".
I boiled inside. It had been years since I had heard anyone use that term in that way. Back in the days before my incredible Princess had joined our family and before I knew so deeply that a person's value does not lie in their intellect, their perceived contribution to society or their outward beauty I was unaffected by the word. Now I knew more that their worth lies in the simple innocence of having to trust in others completely. In being uniquely able to have an intimate relationship with their Creator on a level that I will never attain.
This word, "retarded", that was originally used to be more sensitive had been turned around to become a slur. It has been used for years now as slang for someone who actions are just plain stupid. It has been interchanged with other meanings and has equated the condition of "Mental Retardation" with idiotic behavior. The use of the word is what became cruel, not the word itself.
I am a huge fan of the R-word campaign. Educating those in our schools and communities that no matter what words you strike from legislation, you have to work harder to change attitudes. There have to be enough people who are willing to stand up to those who laugh or mock those who are different than they are. Sadly, I tried two years in a row to convince the child development specialist at one of our schools to make the students aware of the campaign and she just didn't "find the time". We can give lip service to stopping bullies, raising self esteem in typical children but when it comes to those without a voice, there just isn't time. My eldest daughter even tried to get her leadership to hold an assembly but the student body president didn't think the other students would accept the message.
There are so many special interest groups that have been heard from in the area of tolerance. Its time for those of us who speak for those who can't and to give them a voice. We can't legislate acceptance but as the media has shown with other groups, (how many millions have gone into telling us it is uncool to say that something is "gay"?) we certainly can educate if we stop accepting bad behavior.If we can stand up for a group of people that are perfectly capable of speaking for themselves then we certainly can speak up for our most vulnerable and I dare to say valuable members of the human race. They have already earned a great deal of respect. I will continue to cheer on Rosa and her peers. I will pledge to speak up even if I make some around me uncomfortable and I will endeavor to make The Princess proud!

Always,

Hope

Freedom From Competition

This is not a writing about kids sports and the current trend towards removing competition and scoring in order to make everyone feel good. I have no problem with children (and even adults) competing in sports, band performances or other scored activities that cause them to work hard to achieve goals. Measuring yourself against other athletes can help you to improve in areas that are important to you.

As a mom, woman and daughter I have met more than my share of "competitors" in my life. Those women who cook better, clean faster and keep up with more children. Mothers who gave birth quicker, weaned later and still have time to make gifts for all of the teachers, bus drivers and aides at their children's schools. Their children walked sooner, spoke fluently early and of course were potty trained before anyone else's. I would love to tell you that I never tried to keep up but that would be a lie.

I too wasted many moments of my life trying to measure up to the standards of those around me. Being content with doing my best took second place to being first place. Attending certain functions meant making the most outstanding attractive dish, making people laugh or saying something memorable and profound.

Then along came the Princess. What a game changer she turned out to be. The focus turned from being the best to doing whatever was best for this vulnerable and sometimes very sick human being. Pursuing the best for her meant researching therapies, surgeries and treatments to allow her to be the best that she could be. For her to have the opportunity to someday walk, communicate and live through each scary hospital stay, my time would have to turn to seeking those things for her. We only compare to other children with her syndrome because it helps to try out what has worked for some an not for others.

What is so great about life lessons is that they bleed over into all areas. Being part of something is much more enjoyable when you don't have to be the best but your best. You don't have to win arguments in order to be valuable in fact sometimes its better not to win. You can't grow from believing you already have the answers. Growth comes from pursuing what we don't know.

The other lesson comes from knowing that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made". You really don't get that until you look into the face of a child who will never enter a competition let alone win one. This verse was not written only for the child whose name will be in the paper announcing their big achievement. Its not just pro-life rhetoric. It is the truth about every human ever created. Every person who has never even scored a point or achieved academic greatness is made as wonderfully as those who have.

God does not see us in light of our achievement but the light of His love. You cannot earn His grace, you only need to reach out and accept it. I am so blessed that He doesn't only accept my failures, he turns them into triumphs. I am a winner in the eyes of a loving God and in pursuit of being the best mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and cook I can be at this moment. Most of all I am free.

Always,

Hope